when ever i imagine myself explaining about my old life my life my problem to someone in imaginary situation i start breathing fast body heat up fast cpu thrashing and other symptoms whats this and what will happen if same happen if i ever treid to tell someone same and same happn and howw they going to react. its like a small gate get flooded and then whole body insta shutdown and i laugh at it like wtf lol.
no like they see very fast breathing panic and idk what then laugh then i see forget about it i cant do it
but its too fucking fast . and i dont think i even seen anywhere not in movie
how long its been. me umm from when ? when it started or when it ended. from when it started its been 7y and still idk how to umm.... i never felt the need to do it . why ? becz nothing will change even if i telll u nothing will change and then i will be more exposed and thats danger . imaginary convo
well umm i stopped hoping . i stopped hoping for it . i stopped hoping from people from situatioin i built this . and u know what when u stop hopping it stop hurting and when u remove hope from equation u know what fills the gap. its preparation the logic and preparation . preparing for worse and worst. ie. i asked my friend to come and i attached hope that we are good friend he will come but he doesnt come cause he got another friend on his way and he picked him not me that going to hurt cause i attached hope there but lets say i instead of hoping i prepared and i checked if i got bike but thn i asked friend if he coiming and also told that i got bike if he cant i can come but he says its fine and even then i took money with me just in case he does not come now see the difference now it does not matter if he comes or not im ready and prepared and it didnt hurted at all i dont matter if he picked someone or came or not i will reach the destination bcz thats the goal now its not the hope and dependency and bs see the difference when u remove hope ur brain fill gap with the rationality and its kinda great
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