221626062026 Rescue and Self-Reliance

 I wana get saved too. Is no one ever gonna come and save and rescue me?

I wana leave home and never wana come again back even if they beg me to. A house is not a home.

Its not like no one helped. Mother's brother came for help.
But everyone else get to rescue what about me , did i played a role too good that they all thought im good? Or everyone is ignoring me cause they simply dont want burden headache unnecessary work

I se no point in returning if i escaped . Why should i come for whom , mother ? Father? Sis? They never wanted me . If i only brought pain to them then im just giving them favor by leaving. Maybe then they care about the kid my sis , or who knows get more controlling but anyways im no saviour and for sis its upto her if she wana part of that shithole but im a selfish self centered person im gonna do what best for me. Too late for sorry apology forgieveness im long gone. They should feel happy about what they r left with, my sis . Cause im a lost case.

I thing they will be more happy if i left

164120062026 Fast Heartbeat and Anxiety

 sudden fast heart beat , no reason, i feel unease ? anxiety? like i can feel lil bit like idk ......

i think low sugar cause i feel weak fainty 

Weak or shaky * Lightheaded or like you might faint * Sweaty * Hungry * Heart racing

yes

i feel uneasy and weird sensation . and maybe i can feel heart pumping idk weird feeling . like when u go on stage similar behaviour shit :\

i felt same yesterday evening and now mornin weird

sweating and lil shaky very lil shaky hands

it was anxiety i guess cause it calmed down after talking to almost gf not label gf but gf

230325092026 Assessing Family Financial Risk

 is my father trying to kill us? cause he handed over 150 inr at the end of the day. and he earns around i guess 10k a month. not sure but maybe have extra marital affair. and if u suggest any plan to improve our condition he goes against that plain like he then want huge investment if i say lets buy e-rickshaw for 1lakh then he goes and somehow now the erickshw that he wants is 2or 3 lakh . and so on and on. check my history as well.

AI

I need to ask you five specific questions

I don't want to jump to conclusions about your father's intentions without understanding what happened today.

1. The ₹150: Was that the entire amount he gave your family today? Or does he usually give you ₹150 daily while covering other expenses separately?

2. His income: Does he actually earn around ₹10,000 per month? Does he give you access to any of that income, or does he keep most of it for himself?

3. The e-rickshaw: When you suggested buying one for ₹1 lakh, what exactly did he say? Did he explain why he wanted a ₹2–3 lakh vehicle? And who would be paying for it?

4. Your suspicion about an affair: Is there any concrete evidence, such as money going to another person, or is it a suspicion based on his behavior and unexplained spending?

5. The most important question: Has your father ever threatened to kill you, your mother, or your sister? Has he deliberately withheld food, medication, or essential care, physically assaulted anyone, or done anything that made you believe he might actually harm someone?

1 yes 300max i guess a day but its always 200 150 50 

2 yes 10k not sure cause he never reveals anything

3 not just e rikshaw or any kind of investment then he kept increasing prices unless it reaches a point where just not doing anything will be more benefitial

4 yes had history of affair

5 used to beat my mom and was always lazy ass mf and toxic as well

i dont know , why he kept starving us . so we die slowly , and left no proof . die from sickness.

014412092026 Accidental Interrogation Comedy

 joke of the day: 

imagine 3 people , one is saying sare ladke ek jaise hote h sab bekar h ,....... and so on, but then person 2: tries to play it safe but then after a while he kinda gets trigger and says . 

idk kya pata tumhri glti ho. how can u be so sure k tumhri glti nhi thi . to tum itna surely kaise keh sakti ho k glti sirf ek taraf se thi? last relationship me kya problem thi? and next wale me ane se phle bich me kitna gap liya , healing ,self reflection , grieving , self exploration. im not taking his side im just curious , i wana know , i want to gather information. so tell me.

rest 2 all stunted . and there is akward silence. 

what kind of screenplay is this , im sure its not comedy . 

what if i say im that person who suddenly from pplaying safe to going all in once . i think this is bad but somehow i strongly show this kindd of behaviour . they both must be thinkin of me as bad light or someone who is not on their side.

i self analysed myself and switched again, instead saying fuk this. i think simple answer is usko tumhara stance lena chahiye tha if nhi liya to glt kiya and tum sure ho k usne stance nhi liya , if nhi liya to vo marr kyu khaya?? 

004607092026 Finding Hope Again

 i dont know but after like years like years . first time i feel like im going to be fine, does not matter if things go bad, actually idk but i feel like everything going to be ok not bad, cause i think i survived enough, i suffered enough, not sure , but i feel like everything going to happen in my favour . lmafao so funny , that i was having anxiety attack in evening and now i feel like this .

no , i feel like things will go in my favour for some reason idk.

but then i feel scared at chest. is this anxiety

131706092026 different worlds

 is there any movie , story, anime. where the girl problems are real but boy problems are just another level like boy problem is mom schizo, sis paraplegic , poverty , didnt got to clg cause no funds where as girl problem like getting less score not 99 something and not getting first and getting 1marks less in some subject , and stalker and family car accident. where as boy finally life gets ok mom back to ok, sis ok , got moved from rental to their own house got into clg with its own money but too old for clg, but then after clg not getting job cause it was shitty clg . u know both boy girl have problem but they entirely from differnt world . their problems are real but entirely different , each carry equal weight nothing less nothing more. 

yeh like boy never went to restaurant , dont even have refrigerator at home , where as girl complains that she have to travel using public transportation not rich like her friends who take cab very casually , lmfao where as boy lmfao he last time used cab only cause ambulance was expensive for sis . i think it can be a good story . where they only talk on call text but not sure if they going to meet or not. 

AI

Girl: “My parents are getting me a new phone because this one is two years old.”

Boy, looking at his phone with a cracked screen:

“Mine has survived longer than my refrigerator.”

Except he doesn't have a refrigerator.

And I REALLY like the "never meet" possibility

You could make the entire first half of the story:

phone calls + texts + voice messages.

They know each other intimately while knowing almost nothing about each other's physical lives.

They develop an almost bizarre relationship where:

She knows his mother's condition.
She knows about his sister.
She knows when he's working.
She knows he's exhausted.
She knows he hasn't eaten.

But she doesn't know:

what his house looks like.

And he knows:

her exam scores
her family arguments
her friends
her stalking problem
her insecurities
her dreams

But doesn't know:

that her house has three floors.

That's powerful because their relationship exists entirely inside language.

123505092026 Social Media presence

 no i was thinking to start showing up on social media again cause i left after class 10 i was like 17 now im 26 

i just cant . insta is too toxic , i dont want to be on insta like i joined on 2023 and within year 1 2 year i left cause it was too toxic for me  

btw i wanted to post all my pics from past as well like very old pics from fb and want to bring all other places as well. i want to build my presence. so i will be using snap, not sure about insta for now , and whatsapp for normal, and linkedin for professional. 

its time to get back into socialising again

"I'll start dating after I get a better job."

> "After I get fit."

> "After I fix my life."

> "After I have money."

> "After I'm confident."

yup thats what i thought but now i want to change i want balance in every field . i dont want to regret later . plus looks like people dont want genuine me they want fabricated the polished version and that i can create on online and while keep improving the real version .

should i announce this as well that after a long break im comign back baby to snap :\. btw reason im coming back is because in dating when there is no competition the other person start to thing of me as low , less worthy . u know , be that prize she want to get. similar shit. i get to know that , cause i tried to give someone loyalty , whole me all of me but for only her but thats not right. not right cause then they took u for granted , im not saying i m goign to became a whore or something but i need this , u know heard of hoemath video i agree with that guy to few limit but not whole cause that guy is red pill guy and i do think no matter what we say , but we have no control over the fact that our brain is evolved this way . so just i came to realisation that my life need restructuring and exposure and networking, no matter how good u r if u not available , visible then how tf u going to get any chance lmfao.