wake up and started crying to a song for 30min . why its not stopping its more than 30min i think
i never cry but its not stopping my head hurts my eyes wet and tears runing like fuking someone left the tap open and nose too lol.
dayum everything is wet
nah ithink its normal. but now im telling what could have triggered first ti wake up and started thinking about dream is about everything the past the present future. all of it at once .
no idea whats happened first or last or order but . maybe first i went to old place where i usually used to meet old school friends and i meet them too but its liike for future and present mix and past too. cause i meet one of my friend i asked em about the startup funding or something like that basically starting about something and then another school friend there i said hi then i asked u got notes of subject he said yes i said u didnt gave me he said u never asked me then i laugh and tell em to share in group and i left with the startup friend on his bike cause he wanted me to see someone for the u know startup guide and how to guide but on the way to that person i see. my cousin doing some low level work like small shop at road side with other member of his family and i thought about the elder brother(rahul) of my cousin who is well settled but due to his not taking care or funding his brother result in one of the brother doing this low level work and while he drift in car and something like that (even though none is true in reality but it kinda true that rahul being not able to be a good decesion maker as a result they suffer or maybe not im not sure. so another scene is im with rahul and he is driving reckless making drift dirivng backward in car and i said i never going to sit with him again. another scene kinda too normal or iirelevant because im with another present time clg friend on bike and then he ask for direction or something from some help umm irrlelevat i skip. and another one i see is uncle(mom brother) got the pics and video of me and sis when we young as young as kids lol. and she i looked like kids (well cause we dont have any pics of us of past because only after sis became paraplegic we started taking pics not before that . we do used to take few pics and i got but only when we turned into teens . another thing scene is sis got cuts on her feet deep but superficial like the one we get from sharp blade then i told her do what she likes (self harm) . another scene she was showing pics of her with her friends where she looked good with friends and made friends and get along with others but mom said pics dont look good. another scene a similar secrecy of relationship kinda giving same feeling of secrecy i had . so even in the dream i had same secrecy and initial liking or seomthing similar kinda relationship . another scene but they kinda dont make sense and too jumbled and weird. but here one more scene where we me mom uncle(mom bro) and uncle wife there and its our maternal grandma house and at back in old time in reality there were used to have snakes and so in dream there were black snakes procreating and one big python size and few small one like toys but few are big total i think i have seen there 5 snakes in dream at that place . i guess thats it. after waking up i went to watch a edit of grave of fireflies with song kiss me like a sailor and then i imagined the same mountain and the same snow mountain thing i have described and then this shit happend the 30m unstop
and i imagined me and my sis and i told her and show her real me the weaker me and asked her why we have to go though all this why we have to wait for everything where as many get as if they are granted to them and why no one helped why . why we have to go through all the shit where as other gets to enjoy why why and many why question i told her how i felt when i saw her on the death bed . i told her that i thought we never going to make it alive and i told her how alone scared and helpless i felt and that version which is scared and cry baby is what who i am . am not the version she think i am even though she has some clue that i pretend and fake and hide things from her but i tell her everything and how unfair advantage all the people around have and thats it but i imagined all this nothing is real but in reality she has clues but we dont talk like this even when she asked me once why no one helped us i tried my best to logic my way out of this questiion like saying our father is like parasite he just take help and then became more and more dependent on that person instead of take help and grow he just like parasite and also i explained that how helping us would have not gained anything anyone so they choose to ignore as if we never existed but the same question i have been asking myself each time that why no one helped me even though im aware why but i still find myself asking same question lol. thats it u can ask questioin to make sense of what is real and what was part of dream cause i think my english is bad enough for u to get confused as well as u dont know of my past that much so many part of dream is literally what happend and many are similar but more like symbolism not real and what not lol.
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